Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
