never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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