I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
