Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
