I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
