Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
