i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
