Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize