I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
