so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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