So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
