She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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