I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
