i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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