Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
