she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
