OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
