You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
