Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
