i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
