in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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