You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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