If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
