After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
