Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
