he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize