i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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