He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
