I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
3pm strippers are depressing
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
