your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
