Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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