it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
