Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
