Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
