So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
