its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
