tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
