so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
