Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
that is very illegal...i love you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
