you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
