There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
