So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
