found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
