let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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