I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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