you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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