On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
