he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
