You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
