God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
