when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
