went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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