No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
