Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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