i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
