i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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