She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
