you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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