I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
