You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize