There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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