that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All the doctor said was why
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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