Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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