I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
