THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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