i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
