Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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