Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
