Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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